NGAMER #35 – WiiWare Review – ONSLAUGHT

(NB. There are no screenshots for this review as Geraint broke the screen grab machine thingy)

ONSLAUGHT REVIEW
Or ‘The Deep Space Adventures Of Rentokil’

FORMAT: WiiWARE, DEVELOPER: HUDSON SOFT, PRICE: 1,000, OUT: NOW

Have you ever seen Starship Troopers, the film where loads of beefhead soldiers fly to a distant planet and blow up buckets of alien bug-type creatures? Take that template, add cyber bugs, a dreadful Engrish script and you have Onslaught. Onslaught’s heroes look so much like the Helghast, it’s uncanny, yet they move around with extraordinary slow pace. It’s as if their suits aren’t a Helghast original, but are instead cheaper, heavier knock-offs. It’s one of the many things about Onslaught that, er, bugs us.

So, you’re fighting cyber-bugs and, according to the plot, we sent them into space. They crashed on an unknown planet years ago along with loads of Earth technology, colonising it and evolving alongside our tech. Despite this, there are only three different varieties of bug to tackle, a slug bug, a flying bug with a stinger and a somewhat better looking hopper bug with a massive weak spot on its forehead. As the game wears on they change colour slightly to show they’re tougher but it really doesn’t matter – they’re all dumb and approach in constant waves, crawling into your line of fire and negating any need for strategy.

INSECTICIDE
The enemy weaknesses are a massive let down, especially as Hudson have got the shooting mechanics spot on. The graphics are also pretty impressive for a WiiWare title, presentation wise, it’s top-drawer stuff. From the off you’re given some pretty meaty weapons such as shotguns and rocket launchers with seemingly infinite ammo which you fire with ‘B’ while aiming your remote. The nunchuk, meanwhile, controls a pretty snazzy futuristic space whip, grenades, and also incorporates a clever ‘wipe’ feature. Get corrosive alien blood on your visor and a shake of the nunchuk will wipe it away, like when you wipe tears from your eyes after sitting on a thumb tack.

Thumb-tack-sitting is also more fun than the missions, which soon get boring and revolve around staple FPS conventions: protect an area, infiltrate the bug’s home, get from A to B ASAP. Onslaught is also home to one of the most irritating soundbites we’ve ever heard – “That’s why you’re still a kid!” Hold on a minute, we’re single-handedly saving the universe – why not be a sport and give us a hand? “That’s why you’re still a kid!” Honestly, he has the nerve to say it every five seconds – whoever he is – and it really grates after a while. Onslaught is a decent afternoon distraction for those who just want to spend an afternoon blowing things to kingdom come. For those looking for a deep and varied shooter, you’re probably best waiting for… well, a long time probably.

BOXOUT – BUGBEARS
What really annoyed us about this game were the boss battles. Bosses are speedy, hulking great bugs and since your top speed is leisurely granddad stroll, you’ll die more often than not. “Waaaaah!” we cried…

NG VERDICT – 2/5
It’s good value if you want to spend an afternoon brainlessly shooting cannon fodder. Don’t expect anything else, though.